Hyperactivity

“When the clock strikes 3:30 am”

I am used to sleep between 10:00 and 10:30 pm with a hope of getting up straight at 6:00 am. But somehow, my sleep gets disturbed between 2:30 and 3:00 am and I get up by 3:00 am. For first few days when it started happening in 2016, I was not able to understand the reason behind it. Tried a lot to sleep by just lying in the bed but nothing happened. Used to feel bored a lot in the bed lying and just thinking unnecessary stuff. I started watching TV at that time. Then started realizing it as a waste of time and brought up with the solution of my own. Before going to bed in night I used to think about some work which I can do if I get up at 3:30 am. And I started writing a scientific proposal for a project. Believe me its such a dry and boring job for me which I completed in just 15-20 days getting up at 3:30 am. Now I started enjoying that time to use it productively. But was it normal?

I had to start taking depression medications in 2018. Which helped me to put to sleep at night but along with night they made me feel numb and dumb the whole day. Still, I chose to complete my course of three months and see the results. Things were fine what we call a normal life for one year. After which depression symptoms started coming again and I was advised to take medications again. I was not in the mood of taking same medications and letting myself feel dumb the whole day. I chose to shift to different family of medicines. Where I just have to take it once and it will be effective for 3-4 months and along with that any other type of medicine is prohibited. I was very happy and started thinking it’s a magic pill. Working on my whole body, don’t have to take daily and no other medication with it. It was just wonderful. However, after 3- 4 months when its dosing must be repeated, I have to observe the symptoms which are coming back to me for at least 7 days and if they don’t go back on their own, I have to repeat the dose. Till now i.e. 2022 I am taking that medicine. It makes me feel connected to world, society, helps me to sleep full night, doesn’t make me dumb by numbing my brain senses all the days’ time. I am happy with people around me and I am happy with my life.

Since last week I have started getting up again at 3:00 – 3:30 am. I must observe these symptoms now for at least 10 days before letting myself dosed again. Today is the fifth day and I am analyzing something new. Am I hyperactive? Does my brain work more efficiently than others? That I am not in need of sleeping for more than 4-5 hours. And is it so bad?

It makes me feel bad when I stop enjoying life. When I look for faults in everything around me. Bu am I responsible to look at them or they are happening there, and I chose to close my eyes and brains from that by taking medicines. Or am I not able to function in this society the way it runs with diplomacy. And because majority of people are like that, so I have labelled myself as unfit and have put on medications myself to start getting fit into this society. Is hyperactive brain bad, if it is permitting me to see situations in a different way around me which nobody else is able to see?

We are being told to adjust in this society since childhood. And what if with this awareness I am meant to go somewhere else. As Sadhguru says about Denial…….. “Nature has evolved us to a higher level of intelligence and awareness, but we are refusing to accept the promotion.” Am I denying my own evolution since six years, and is everyone out there who is on these type of medications is hyperactive, and is made numb and dumb with different family of medicines?

Are we labelling ourselves being hyperactive as our own enemy or was it understood by so called educated people that these hyperactive people may disturb their balance in this society or they may become this planet’s enemy by doing more and more work and they have labelled it as misfit. Because whenever we try to make our near and dears explain the way situation is and how can it get evolved in the future, they just deny accepting it. And when actually it happens the way, it was being told, even then they deny it in a certain way or another. And repeatedly say to us…. “Tum Zyada Sochti ho”. But isn’t it the way we are wired?

They themselves, and the whole society are ready to accept their dumbness about not being able to judge the situations as normal and we, who are able to do that are being labelled as misfit, and are put on medicines which are making us like them ….. DUMB by NUMBING our brain wires.

Isn’t it like Buddha, and Krishna, and Ganesha we can feel that superpower inside us about knowing and articulating the things beforehand and would like to act accordingly what no one other has even thought of and we are not being allowed to do that? Is it not the same superpower which Sadhguru tells us to get aware of all the time to realize that…..

“Superhuman resides in us only”